36. Let the Writhing Begin: Start the Day with a Positive Mindset
As far as dog parents go, we kind of lucked out with the three we’ve had so far. In general, they’ve been obedient (or, at least, always willing to please). They’ve been good-tempered, mostly quiet, not aggressive, and have understood that the humans wield the power to give (and remove) food, walks and treats.
As a result, they were willing to put up with things they might not otherwise choose to put up with.
Exhibit A: Their response to the ostensibly ever-changing morning routine.
In the old days (ie when I was a university student), I followed a very strict, very regimented schedule. I woke up at the same time each day (including weekends), went to sleep at the same time each day (excluding weekends) and followed a study routine that never wavered.
Yep, I was that annoying student who always had her homework done on time, who even occasionally handed papers in early. I loved it.
Then came the HH. Never one to be restricted by external impositions, he prefers to throw caution to the winds on weekends, stay up as late as humanly possible, then wake with the same lack of restraints on his time. Over the years, I (reluctantly) learned to adapt and capitulate on weekends, going (as much as I’m able) with the flow.
Now, dogs are creatures of habit. They work very well with repetition and consistency. They love when you stick to a schedule; they hate when you don’t.
I’m sure we’ve all seen or heard about dogs who “remind” their humans when it’s time for a walk. And most of us know that we can set our clocks by the dogs sniffing around their food bowls at dinnertime.
Needless to say, it wasn’t a natural transition for the dogs to learn that they weren’t to disturb us when we sleep in on weekends.
Chaser, at her advanced age, was happy to sleep any time, so she hadn’t posed a problem for years. And while Zoey had the advantage of Chaser’s example on Saturday and Sunday mornings, it took her a while longer to realize the normal 6:45 AM wakeup wasn’t going to happen on those days.
First came the shaking and heavy sighing. Zoey would wake up as usual, trot over to my side of the bed (since I’m the morning source of food), place her chin on the comforter beside my face, and sigh. When I ignored that, she’d emit tiny whines, like a squeaky doorknob turned back and forth in quick succession. No dice.
The attempts increased in intensity. Quiet growls and groans ensued. When that didn’t work, either, she full-out started barking at us, causing the HH to snap awake and ask what the heck was going on.
It didn’t take long to train her to simply leave us alone. Ignore a dog, and they’ll (eventually) stop bugging you.
Over time, Zoey learned that the cue to get moving was human voices finally emanating from the bed. Once the HH and I begin to talk to each other, it’s okay for the dogs to join us. They knew that the next step was for me to rise, get dressed, and take them down for breakfast.
“I’ll just stay here until you give me the ‘OK,’ Mum.”
Needless to say, we’re the envy of all our friends with dogs. I mean, dogs who let you doze, undisturbed, no matter how late you sleep in? The greatest test of Chaser and Zoey’s patience (not to mention bladder control) was the morning after a Stanley Kubrick marathon when we crawled into bed after 2:00 AM and lay there until almost 11:00 AM. Not a peep from the dogs until we started mumbling our “good morning”s from under the covers.
But once we’re awake? Well, then it’s no holds barred.
The first sign that the dogs are awake is Zoey’s extended yawn, which always ends in a long, high-pitched kind of creaking. Then, the full-body stretch: front paws extended straight out, nails out and spread wide while her rear is raised up and back, the quintessential downward dog. Next, the weight shifts and it all goes the other way, her rear pulled backward, back legs extended in a doggie arabesque that ends as she heaves forward onto her front legs, finally bringing the hind ones up as well.
Zoey’s morning ritual.
Chaser, for her part, was much more demure. After hoisting herself upright with a good degree of effort, she hobbled over to the foot of the bed and began rubbing her face along the edge, snuffling her way from one side to the other. The HH dubbed her “Snuffelina” for this daily display, as she half-wobbled, half-danced her way across the entire perimeter of the mattress.
Chaser’s morning ritual.
One thing I’ve noticed during these daily morning rituals is that, no matter what, the Girls always began on a positive note. No matter how long they had been required to wait for us, they were always delighted when we got into motion and greeted each day with the same delight and enthusiasm as they did the previous day.
This habit was particularly striking with Chaser, whose mobility decreased considerably toward the end and who, we imagined, woke up with quite a bit of stiffness and even pain in her old joints (don’t worry, she’s was on pain meds. As our vet once remarked, “Our society seems to understand how to treat pain for dogs much more than pain for people.”).
So: waking up positively, and greeting the day in that frame of mind? This is a practice I’d like to convert into a habit.
Imagine how much better the entire day would be if you ensured it began on a positive note. Spent the evening worrying about bills? Had an argument with the teenager? Forgot to submit that email at 9:45 PM? No matter–this is a new day, and one that deserves your best mood. And starting with a negative mindset won’t in any way improve the day ahead, so why not begin with the best mood you can possibly muster?
Apart from the extended stretch, when it comes to humans, getting into the best morning mood often entails a specific practice. What generates a positive outlook?
For people, it’s usually one of two things: gratitude, or simply focusing on what’s good in your life. Science provides us with some tried-and-true methods that can all achieve this goal. Here are some of the ones I like best:
Smile and/or laugh. As Paul McKenna tells us in I Can Make You Happy, a happy person laughs something like 25 times a day and smiles around 60 times a day. That is a lot of jaw muscle action right there.
Can deliberately smiling and laughing more—even if forced—make you happier? I have to admit that I tried this one winter when I was particularly downtrodden, and it actually worked. But it does take repetition daily, so unless you’re committed to the practice, it might not be a solution for a single day or week.
Gratitude: thinking about what we’re grateful for is a surefire way to improve mood. Again, this works best as a daily practice, but even a single session has helped move me from grim to grateful, smiling as I pondered all the things I love in my life that I don’t think of nearly enough. Try it–you might surprise yourself.
Hug and/or kiss someone. Depending how you wake up–and with whom–this is a great way to shift that mood and set yourself up for the day. The HH and I, in our first year together, established the habit of kissing each other goodnight and then later, good morning. It’s become so rote that if we don’t do it, something feels off for the rest of the day. If you have a spouse, child, pet or other loved one whose kiss would boost your mood, go for it.
Relive a happy memory. Some people keep a special folder or memory box where they can browse through happy memories or positive experiences. I do have a folder on my desktop called “Happy File” in which I keep descriptions of positive experiences or testimonials from clients who’ve written to tell me how our work together has improved their lives. Looking at these always boosts my mood.
In the spirit of this week’s challenge, however, I’m sticking to actions that can be done before getting out of bed in the morning, so the corresponding deed here would be to simply recall something positive from your past (even if the day before) and let the uplifting emotions wash over you before you spring out of bed to attack your day.
No doubt there are other ways to boost your mood upon waking. What will you do to start the day on a high note? Let me know. And let’s reconvene at the end of the week to see how it went!
********************
Follow up to last week’s challenge: Indulge Immediately
Well, as you might have guessed, this one was a breeze for me!
True, “indulge” doesn’t always have to imply food–but in my case, it does, about 99% of the time. So, I made an effort to indulge in other ways, too.
But first, the food! Yes, I ate cheesecake for dinner. I tried out a new, awesome vegan cheesecake recipe (though in my case, made it sugar- and gluten-free) and simply couldn’t resist having a slice before dinner. As it turned out, that night, the cheesecake *was* dinner. No biggie when the ingredients are all this healthy, right?
But other “indulgences” sneaked their way into my days, too. On one particularly hot, sunny day (something we’ve been sorely lacking so far this June), I decided to sit out in the backyard and simply enjoy the warmth of the sun and air on my skin for a half hour or so even before plunging into this week’s ghostwriting assignment. In the end, that short respite served to recharge my energy levels and I was able to get the work done in record time.
I can definitely see how allowing oneself a spontaneous indulgence once in a while can be a positive thing in life. And no, I’m not advocating irresponsible behavior (I wouldn’t want my neurosurgeon stopping for an unplanned visit to the movie theater, for instance), but spur-of-the-moment fun can certainly be a plus.
I mean, if we don’t grab the good when we see it, what are the chances it will hang around waiting for us later?
********************
As always, thank you for reading. If you enjoy Be the Dog, please share it with someone else! Or support me and my writing with a paid or free subscription. I’d be eternally grateful either way.