48. “Chaser, Play with Me!” (Pay No Attention to What Others Think of You).
Chaser’s typical reaction to Zoey.
The scene played itself out daily in our house for four years. Here’s a little snapshot from the past:
As soon as she’s awake, Zoey begins to eye Chaser’s every move. When Chaser finally rouses and starts her morning amble round the foot of our bed, Zoey shoots into action.
She nears her sister, cautiously but with tail wagging. As she enacts a play bow (that move where dogs push out their front paws while raising their bum as high as it will go), she begins to bark: “Play with me! Chaser, play with meeeee!”
Of course, Chaser has no interest whatsoever in her bratty younger sibling (and most especially after their inauspicious beginning together). She continues her stroll, gazing off in the opposite direction.
At this point, Zoey is prompted to kick it up a notch. Barking turns into yelping and howling. Play bow turns into hopping and pawing at the carpet, barely missing Chaser’s own paws.
Chaser snaps. She emits a low groal (no, not a real word. It’s my term for a combination groan-growl).
Still, Zoey remains undeterred. Her tail, no longer wagging its full length, swishes only its final quarter, in mini-wags. The yelps and howls give way to yips and whines. This behavior continues until Chaser leaves the room.
You’d think, after almost four years of this display, Zoey would have learned that Chaser wanted nothing to do with her.
It was clear that Chaser, for her part, felt nothing but disdain for Zoey. Yet Zoey was completely untouched by her sister’s character assassination. She repeated the performance daily, ever hopeful that that day would be the one Chaser agreed to play.
If only humans had that kind of self-assurance, amiright?!
“I have a distinct style, Mum.”
One of my favorite quotes (along with most of my favorite quotes) is from Eleanor Roosevelt, who said, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”
It makes sense, doesn’t it? Because in the end, the only opinion that truly matters is your own.
Another mentor, business guru Alex Hormozi, reminds us that, for the vast majority of people, the rest of the world will not only stop talking about us but will also most likely have completely forgotten us within six months of our death (lovely thought, I know). But given this reality, why worry about others’ opinions at all?
So often, our actions are directed by imagined scenarios of how we’ll be assessed by. . . total strangers. In my life, there are precious few people whose opinions would truly influence what I decide to do or not do. You likely have your own cadre of people who are essential in your life and whose approbation means something to you. The others? Who cares?
“We lie on the floor all the time, Mum. There’s nothing to it.”
Several years ago, I was part of a business mastermind where we met in-person four times a year. During one of our meetings, we were instructed to perform an activity “outside our comfort zone.” Assigned tasks included singing a famous song at the top of your lungs in a crowded elevator; lying on the floor of the mall for three full minutes; asking a stranger for $100; and so on.
What we didn’t realize at the time was the underlying purpose of the exercise: to demonstrate how little others’ views of us really matter in the long run.**
So what if you make a fool of yourself belting out “I Will Survive” in an elevator? Your cheeks might flush crimson for a few seconds, people will glare, someone might even ask you to shut up. And then? Five minutes later, it’s all evaporated, with no lasting repercussions.
Being immune to others’ judgments of you is incredibly freeing. Just think of all the activities you’ve wanted to try in your life that you never attempted because you believed others might disapprove. I know people who passed up a job they wanted, who covered up their naturally greying hair, who returned the funky boots they loved, who didn’t marry the love of their life (and regret it to this day, in their 80s).
Only you can determine whose opinions matter enough to shape your actions. For me, anything that would prompt the hubby to think less of me as a human being might apply. I wouldn’t want my sister to consider me a monster, either. But honestly, that’s about it.
When I finally “got” that concept, it allowed me to make decisions from a better-informed place, one where I considered my own values and what’s important to me.
Obviously, I wouldn’t take actions that might endanger my wellbeing, my health, my livelihood or anything else essential. If I had a boss with whom I disagreed but also could fire me, I’d likely go along with his suggestions (at least temporarily) if voicing my dissent would render me penniless. In the end, obviously, it’s a personal choice, one for which we are each individually responsible.
That said, wouldn’t it still be fun to try singing in an elevator some time?
** For the record, I didn’t choose the elevator for my mastermind activity (I know you were dying to know). My task was to lie on the ground in the public mall for the longest three minutes of my life, while people walked past me, over me, around me. . . all while deliberately ignoring me. No one asked if I was all right; no one asked if I needed anything; no one offered to help me get up. If not for the fact that no one stepped on me, you’d never have known they saw me at all.
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Follow up to last week’s challenge: Honor what your body needs.
Zoey honoring her body’s urge to play.
Honestly, what could be more fun than giving your body what it asks for? Oh, wait, the challenge was to give your body what it NEEDS, which isn’t always the same thing. Somehow, I managed both.
One thing my body asks for all too often is “More food, please!”. For most of my adult life, I’ve believed that overeating is a form of addiction. Looks like recent science agrees. According to Scientific American, “foods rich in fat and sugar can supercharge the brain's reward system, which can overpower the brain's ability to tell an individual to stop eating. In these cases, the more someone eats, the more he or she wants.”
Given my lifelong propensity for foods “rich in fat and sugar,” it’s no wonder my body has been asking for more of those. In that case, fulfilling the body’s requests may not be the best idea.
On the other hand, due to various factors this past week (fireworks, whining dogs, erratic schedule and sundry other stress-inducing events), my sleep hasn’t been exactly stellar. As a result, I found myself napping–more than once–during the afternoon. No guilt or shame, there. It was required to regain energy and focus, and approach the remainder of the day clear-headed.
To be honest, I was proud of those naps: tapping into my body’s needs has never been a strong suit, and the fact that I recognized the exhaustion and responded appropriately is something new. Gotta say, I liked it.
Who knows what might be next–exercising more! Meditating! Getting to bed earlier! Requesting a hug!–wow, the possibilities are endless.