Change. . . for a Change, Part 2
In Part I, I shared four reasons why it's so hard for humans to think about, or attempt, changes in our lives. Today I'll discuss how and why we can be thrown off-course even when we implement changes.
"Should I or shouldn't I. . . . ?"
It happened to me countless times in the past: I'd read a book about how to become healthier or see an inspiring movie or read an inspiring blog post. I'd go off like a house on fire, buying new foods, investing in new workout gear, revamping my entire kitchen.
I'd change my morning routine, my food choices, my exercise. . . for a while.
But eventually, I always reverted to the unhealthy habits, even though I knew that wasn't what I wanted. It took a life-threatening illness for me to finally make a permanent switch in behavior.
Sadly, I've seen the same pattern in far too many people when it comes to changes in their lives. Maybe you've been there? You know you want to change your diet (or other health habits, or job, or relationship) for good, but it just never seems to "stick."
If you feel stuck in the trap of fear and inaction, take heart: there are ways to overcome and bypass these traps, so you can make those changes a permanent part of your life.
Next time you want to implement change for good, consider the following.
I. You underestimate how much you are capable of change, so you give up too soon.
How can I be so sure about this point? Because, as humans, our ability to adapt and change is almost infinite. Given the right circumstances, we are, quite literally, capable of almost anything.
When experts were certain no one could run a mile faster than four minutes, Roger Bannister broke the record--and within a year, so had several other people. When faced with the possibility that the Soviet Union might win the "race to the moon," the US pulled out all the stops and landed there in record time (ahead of the Russians). When the original Chicken Soup for the Soul book was rejected over and over, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen refused to give up. In the end, the book was rejected 144 times before it was finally accepted for publication (and look what happened!).
So, why do so many of us stop before we achieve the goals we seek?
Once again, it's that pesky amygdala (part of our unconscious brain), telling us it's easier to simply "stay the same." You might see some success and then fall prey to the brain's message that you're just "not capable" of doing what you want to do. But that's just the unconscious messaging telling you to stay safe again (and one reason so many of us self-sabotage).
II. You overestimate how quickly change will become permanent--so you give up too soon.
Nowadays, we live in a pretty much "instant" world. We've become accustomed to seeing change in no time. Unfortunately, human behavior doesn't fit this pattern, so we end up with unrealistic expectations about how quickly we’re capable of changing.
“
For instance, when I noticed the stirrings of a sinus infection last year, I was absolutely determined not to take antibiotics unless I was literally on my deathbed (since said antibiotics would set back my candida recovery by months, perhaps years) . Luckily, I didn't have to rely on that last resort.
The holistic treatment did work, and worked beautifully. Once the infection was gone, it was gone. Plus, I had no side effects from medication to contend with. However, the recovery took much longer than anticipated. In fact, it took a full 6 weeks for me to feel 100% well again.
Now, had I taken an antibiotic for the infection, I most likely would have seen results within 48 hours or less.
Instead, I continued with my nasal irrigation, tinctures, steam inhalation and other naturopathic remedies for the full six weeks, then weaned off them slowly.
Was this a drag? Absolutely. Did it cut into my time to do other things? Yes, again. But did it create the change I was looking for? Why, yes, indeed!
The same is true of changing your eating habits, or, for that matter, any habit. We expect that if we introduce a new behavior, it will become ingrained within a few days (at most, an average of two months, which is what the experts tell us).
Even two months sounds rather long, doesn't it? Yet I was always amazed, when I coached clients with candida overgrowth, at how many people emailed or messaged me to say something like, "I've been on my anti-candida diet for two weeks now! I can tell I'm feeling better. When will I be able to return to my normal eating?"
While it is typical to see some improvement in two weeks, unfortunately, the changes necessary for full healing and recovery always (at least in my experience) took longer than that. In fact, as in my own case, it could take a couple of years to see major results.
When this reality hits home, many people spiral out of control and simply give up the quest for change. It's at times like that you might need some additional help to keep you on track.
When I first began meditating daily, it was a struggle to find the time and to stay focused. I relied on my coach to keep me on track. That way, I never skipped more than one session, which allowed me to get back to building a consistent habit really quickly. Left to my own devices, I probably would have abandoned it entirely. But that foundation allowed me to meditate regularly for years.
So next time you try to implement a new behavior, remember that our bodies and brains have their own timing.
And just because we wish things could change in a matter of hours, we need to stick with it longer if we want to see lasting changes in our lives.
III. You lose perspective when you attempt change, so you give up too soon.
(Hmmm, do we detect a pattern here?). 😉
Given our brain's tendency to focus more on the negative than the positive (see Part 1 for more about this), when something goes wrong or interrupts the formation of changes, our first impulse is to discount progress and fall back into old behavior patterns.
Years ago, I worked with a client who had multiple health issues, including candida, and she wanted to change her diet. She also had trouble sleeping, and had been using over-the-counter medications to knock herself out at night.
We began to work on decreasing stress and implementing a bedtime routine to help her sleep better. We also found some food-based replacements that could help ease her into a more relaxed state before bedtime.
After about a month, she came to our session clearly upset. "I could barely fall asleep yesterday," she bemoaned. "I was tossing and turning for at least an hour. This just isn't working. I think I'll go back to the pills."
At that point, I asked her to pull out her tracking sheet (because having a concrete record of your changes is one great way to ensure you don't forget how far you've come!).
When she reviewed the previous month--not just that single negative day--she realized that, overall, her sleep had improved remarkably: from only four hours per night when we started, she had increased sleep to seven hours per night; plus, it normally took her only about 15 minutes to fall asleep for the previous 1-1/2 weeks, when it had taken up to 2 hours before our work together.
She had to admit that the general trend was incredibly positive, and that the previous night had been an anomaly. But if I hadn't reminded her to stop, reflect, and compare the present with the past, she would have remained under the impression that "nothing was changing."
Sometimes, you just need someone to remind you how far you've come--especially when you hit those inevitable "bumps in the road" and your mind overlooks all the progress you've made.
IV. It can be really lonely to try to do everything yourself--so you give up too soon.
Again, making major changes in your life can feel like an isolating pursuit.
So many critical changes in our lives—becoming more physically active, dropping alcohol consumption, gossiping less, eating healthier—often don't also include those closest in our lives, such as a spouse, children, friends or even colleagues.
Having to navigate not only the new behaviors and beliefs but also the practical implementation day-to-day can feel overwhelming, especially when there isn't someone else in your life who really understands what you're going through. This is true for any major change at the personal level.
If you have a supportive spouse and/or friends, that's a wonderful place to start. I was really lucky that my hubby was totally open to eating all of my new and different foods, and simply supplemented meals with his own dishes when he wanted to.
Still, while the hubs was sympathetic and supportive, he didn't have to eat the way I do, so he wasn't always open to spending hours talking about food substitutes, where to eat, or how I was feeling about my change in diet.
In other words, it’s really helpful to find a supportive community, coach or someone else who’s implementing the same changes as you. That person or group can support you while also understanding the difficulties associated with the changes you’re making, keep you accountable, and even guide you along the way.
Some closing thoughts. . .
If we take into account our brain's propensity to keep us "safe" by keeping us the same--plus the many reasons we tend to give up on change too soon--it may feel daunting to undertake a major change in your life.
The truth is, sometimes we don’t have a choice. In those cases, it’s good to know that change doesn’t have to feel impossible.
Think about the last time you made a major change in your life. What prompted the change? Was it something you chose to do--and them simply did it? How long did the change last?
As you can probably tell from the reasons above, I really believe that success so often eludes us because we simply stop too soon.
Staying the course and working through all the ups and downs associated with permanent change is the way to really make a lasting difference in your life--one that brings you to the outcome you seek.
For most of us, this kind of long-term, permanent change isn't something that happens in isolation. When I chat about coaching with friends or colleagues, I often hear, "I think I'll try it by myself for a while" before committing to working with someone else. And for some people, that works.
But if you're one of the throngs of people still having trouble sticking to the changes you want in your life, it's worth asking yourself: If you could do it on your own, wouldn't you have done it by now?
Maybe it's time for a change.
***************************
Did you know I coach writers who have trouble starting or finishing their books? To discuss how I can help, send me an email or book a free call here.
********************
As always, thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this article, please share it with someone else! Or consider supporting me and my writing by subscribing with a paid or free subscription or a one-time donation (see button below). I’ll be eternally grateful in any case!
*******************