Week Seven. Harness the Power of Habit
An ex-boyfriend of mine (He of the Black Leather Pants), in addition to being a shameless philanderer (though I was, at the time, unaware of this delightful fact), also fancied himself a budding rockstar (ergo, black leather pants).
To my great chagrin, he wasn’t entirely without talent. He once wrote a song called “Pavlov’s Rule,” all about how relationships “train” us to behave in certain ways while we’re not even aware of the manipulation. (Sort of like Pavlov’s dogs. Sooo clever, right?).
While most of us think of dogs when we hear “Pavlov,” that correlation becomes even more obvious when you live with a dog (or dogs) and see the principle in action every day.
And, as you might expect, some of Chaser and Zoey’s most Pavlovian moments occur around food and walks.
It always amazes me how they are able to intuit exactly when these events are meant to occur. As a rule, our pack (hubs, me, The Girls) stroll the neighborhood daily around 3:00 PM, and canine dinnertime is at 5:00 PM. It didn’t take long for the dogs to internalize these times and, lest we forget, remind us of them, too.
Consequently, every day (and I mean every day) at 2:30 PM, Chaser shuffles into my office, sidles over to my desk and gently pokes me with her nose. If not for her incessant panting (a standard feature of old age) and heavy gait, I likely wouldn’t even notice the poke.
But she makes her presence known, clearly relaying the message, “Mum, don’t forget it’s almost time for a walk.”
Zoey is far less subtle, of course. She trots over and lays her head ceremoniously on my lap, peering up at me with those huge, pleading and, well, puppy-dog eyes. I literally can’t resist that face and invariably end up patting her for a few minutes. But if it’s not yet 3:00, she’s told to wait.
The pattern repeats itself at dinnertime. The pacing, the poke, the stare. In this case, however, if we don’t fill the bowls fast enough for Zoey’s liking, she also throws in a series of barks, yelps, growls and an occasionally howl.
(Food is very serious business for this girl).
The lesson for us humans, I think, is that nurturing habits is very useful when planning your day and meeting your goals. Consistency is a key feature here, too.
By doing the same thing at the same time each day, you transform that action into a habit. This principle can be expanded to apply every week, every month, every year as well.
Even when I don’t feel like taking them, even when it’s raining, even when I haven’t had quite enough sleep the night before and I’d rather laze around the house, the Girls ensure that I adhere to my walking habit.
Think about it: how many times, for instance, have you heard that it’s important to keep a consistent bedtime? That particular habit helps to protect your adrenal glands from fatigue or burnout. By hitting the sack at approximately the same time each night, you tell your body that circadian rhythms are a thing. Your body, for its part, is more than happy to go through the motions without any major fluctuations to throw it off balance.
Dogs instinctively understand this “consistent bedtime” rule. Even when the hubs and I stay up late watching SNL (why do we still do that? It hasn’t been funny since the 90s), the dogs heave a heavy sigh, roll over onto their sides and go to sleep at around 10:30, our regular weeknight bedtime. In the morning, they’re fresh as morning dew at 6:30, while we loll about in bed until who knows when.
And whom would you guess functions more effectively the following day? Who has more energy, focus and optimism? Whose minds are sharper and who has more clarity during the day? Who is in a better mood?
Okay, yes, that’s just the way dogs are, regardless. But I’m convinced it’s also connected to their ability to stick to those daily habits.
So here’s this week’s plan: instill one new habit through repetition.
I want consistency, dammit! For me, the habit will be to take three deep breaths at least three times per day.
Numerous health organizations and experts have touted the benefits of deep breathing. But who has time to meditate for 45 minutes a day?
Good news! Even short breaks, such as three deep, diaphragmatic breaths (ie breathing deep into the belly area, then slowly–slowly!--exhaling) can, according to the American Institute of Stress, calm you down.
The practice “increases the supply of oxygen to your brain and stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes a state of calmness. Breathing techniques help you feel connected to your body–it brings your awareness away from the worries in your head and quiets your mind.”
Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? Especially considering these crazy times in which we’re living.
Of course, deep breathing is just my idea–yours can be any habit at all. Perhaps you’d like to start jogging in the morning, or doing yoga? Or maybe you’ve always wanted to make the bed, every single morning. Or floss your teeth daily. Any tiny habit works!
Follow up on last week’s challenge: Work your assets.
How was it, claiming and flaunting your assets this past week?
I’ve got to admit, the most difficult part of this one was actually pinpointing my assets to begin with. Sure, a couple are easy: I’m a wickedly good baker and a good listener. I’m empathetic. But how to deliberately insert those into daily life?
Baking for the hubs: Done. And no doubt he’s appreciative (if scarfing five cookies in one sitting constitutes “appreciative”). He is not, however, the kind of person who requires empathetic listening, given his paucity of emotional expression. And while he’s receptive to empathy, it’s not, as it is for me, a requirement to feel connected.
So. . . I took my assets elsewhere. This past week, I baked for a friend whom I knew would appreciate my grain-free, sugar-free, egg-free, dairy-free brownies. I exercised patience with Zoey, training her to sit at the curb before crossing the street, then sit at the other side and wait for me to catch up (and provide a treat, natch). I injected as much quirky humor as I could into my Zoom trainings for my audience.
While all those activities felt good, I have to admit that the exercise of listing my assets in the first place was probably the most beneficial part of the challenge. Have you done this?
It’s a must-try: Sit down, grab a piece of paper (my preferred modality, but of course digital works, too) and start a list.
What are your best qualities? What are you good at? What do others tell you they admire about you? What comes easily to you that isn’t quite so effortless for others? What are you proud of?
And even if it feels difficult or uncomfortable, I’d urge you to keep going until you have at least 10 items on the list (ideally many more).
Do you feel yourself sit up a little straighter, shoulders inch back just a bit more? Is there a pleasant tingle making its way across your cheeks? Did you find yourself smiling with self-satisfaction?
Knowing your assets is great. But claiming them, owning them, proudly flaunting them–well, that’s priceless.
Now over to you:
When is the last time you fully worked one of your assets? What did you do?
What constitutes the perfect brownie to you? Explain.
Is your significant other emotionally expressive? Is this a good thing, or not? Why?