The alarm blares at 6:30 AM. I slam the snooze button, intending to rise before the next buzzer goes off (I manage it about 75% of the time).
After morning ablutions and donning some sweats, I feed Zoey. This involves dishing out raw turkey and bones with a homemade mush of ground sweet potato, apple and the occasional cauliflower bits, with a side of yips, whines, barks and howls when I don’t do it fast enough.
Next up: time for a walk.
When Chaser was still with us, the hubs and I alternated morning perambulations: one of us would barely keep up with Zoey’s breakneck speed, covering roughly half of the suburban landscape (around 4000 steps or 1.5 miles/ 2.4 km), while the other would meander at the pace of a caterpillar to the end of the block and back (about 1500 steps or 400 feet/0.3 meters) with Chaser. In either case, the walk took about 25 minutes to complete.
Once home, the Greenie doled out, I head to the office to write–most days, this very Substack project. As soon as I plunk my rear onto the seat, Zoey’s shadowy form appears in the doorway. She glides over to me, eases herself down with a sigh, and takes a nap (Chaser, when she was still here, would retreat to the bedroom for her snooze).
It took a few months for me to acclimate to Zoey’s entrance without becoming distracted. She is not what I’d call a quiet dog, after all. The sigh, the smacking of the lips like an old man eating a danish, the wriggling of the bum to determine just the right position–all are designed to draw me away from this computer screen.
Once I did adjust, however, her presence became so constant as to blend into the environment: whether I’m working, watching TV, sipping my tea or reading a book, there is Zoey, the big black blob on the floor, like the backpack abandoned by the back door for so long that you forget why it’s there.
Needless to say, the first time I noticed her absence (when she wasn’t at doggie daycare) was a bit of a shock. As it happened, I was in the kitchen (a favorite location for canine and humans alike in our house), washing dishes.
After spending more time than I would have liked shooing her “out of the kitchen” multiple times while prepping homemade sunflower seed butter, she finally received the prize (a blob of the stuff) and retreated. She’d obviously figured out that dishwashing indicated “no more treats for a while” and decided to find a more comfortable spot to wait for the next snack.
I turned from the sink–and the spot she’d occupied, only seconds before, was empty! Drying my hands, I peered into the living room. Empty. The den? Also empty. Had I let her out in the backyard and simply forgotten? A quick peek through the window assured me I hadn’t.
So where the heck was she?
I could feel a droplet of panic make its way down my forehead. What if she were injured? What if she had hit her head and couldn’t make any sound? What if SHE WERE LYING SOMEWHERE BLEEDING TO DEATH?!!!
“Zoey! Zoey, where are you?!”
Something stirred near the front door. Was that the throw rug rippling? No–it was Zoey, curled into the tiniest ball in the corner, head rammed against the drywall as if to sink right into it.
She raised her chin slightly. Her expression said, “What the heck do you want, Mum? And why are you disturbing my rest to get it?”
It was the first time Zoey had taken “alone time.” I was devastated. My baby doesn’t need me any more!
Despite my feelings of rejection, I realized our Girl is demonstrating a behavior that could benefit most of us: taking alone time when you need it.
The other day, I chatted with a young mum who was about to spend the weekend at her in-laws’ cottage with said in-laws, her husband and two kids. When I wished her a lovely weekend, her eyebrows shot up and she grimaced.
“Not exactly a rest for me,” she said. “In fact, it’s more work. Not only do I have to cook for all of us, I have to take my in-laws into account, too. And bring extra food. And then clean up after everyone. It’s exhausting.”
I thought, this woman needs some alone time.
If Zoey can so easily accomplish it, why can’t the rest of us?
Zoey catching some alone time.
Another friend recently confided, “I was actually happy to go to one of those boring conferences where all you do is discuss statistics–because at the end of the day, I had my hotel room all to myself. It was so great to have that peace and quiet.”
I was reminded of my mother when my sisters and I were young. She’d head to the bathroom before bed, always with a book, and sometimes spend close to an hour in there. Back then, I wondered why it took such an inordinate amount of time to brush her teeth and wash her face. Silly me.
I realize that finding a few minutes just for yourself can be challenging for some. And in some cases, you might have to spend “alone” time in your head only, while actually sitting next to someone else. But it’s the thought that counts, right?
If you can, grab that alone time when you need it. Zoey sometimes stays in her special corner for an hour; other times, it’s only 30 seconds. I’ll let you be the judge of yours.
Follow Up to last week’s challenge: be open to new adventures
How was your week? Did you try out something you’d never done before? I want to hear all about it!
After almost three years of restricted living, trying out new adventures felt like a release from prison, to be honest. No problem there–I was happy to embrace some new experiences!
Last month, I signed up for a new program that meets twice a month online. While it’s shoved me out of my comfort zone on many occasions, I have to admit I’m loving it overall.
So many new and like-minded people moving along a similar path. We chat about our businesses and lives. I’ve encountered women (and one man in the group) who are challenging themselves to grow, share beyond what they’re used to sharing, and push themselves to achieve new accomplishments. It’s been incredibly interesting and extremely motivating.
Other mini-adventures included shopping at a new store (got a cute little addition to upgrade our bathroom storage situation), taking Zoey to a new park (she was ecstatic), and buying a cookbook that wouldn’t normally register as something I’d try (given multiple dietary restrictions)--yet it turned out to be a huge success and we’ve already made three recipes from it (this is it, if you’re interested–super quick, easy and tasty stuff).
Besides combatting the boredom factor, these new adventures actually keep your brain young(er) and confer a plethora of other benefits: increased dopamine. (ie, you’ll feel good), better memory and motivation; and a more positive outlook on life, just for a start.
Looks like Zoey had it right all along.
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Now, over to you.
How about you? Do you manage alone time when you need it? Or must you take extreme measures, like my mother? Share your thoughts, questions, comments–I love to hear from you.
As always, thank you for reading. If you enjoy Be the Dog, please consider recommending it to someone else–or becoming a paid subscriber to support me and my writing. I’d be eternally grateful either way!
Extreme measures? Ha, some of mankind's greatest learning has been atop a commode. What do you think Newton was doing under that apple tree? Your mother was merely carrying on a great tradition of great thinkers. She could have sat in a car, a closet, a restaurant but chose the great reading room of humanity. Even the name, "Substack" implies certain goings on best left unsaid...
I'll shut up now.