#29. Morning Kisses: Display Your Love Generously, and Often
I had a boyfriend once who, while sweet and kind, seemed to shift once we had established our relationship as committed.
Before we were “exclusive,” he’d shower me with affection, telling me he loved me almost daily. Once he knew I was “his,” however, those exclamations seemed to stop overnight.
Now, he wasn’t mean; he wasn’t even less affectionate. He just stopped telling me how he felt.
When I asked about it once, he responded, “Well, you know that I love you. I already told you. How many times do I have to repeat it?”
Uh, like daily, mofo.
We happened to be lying in bed at the time, about to turn the lights out for sleep (because really, isn’t that the very best time to have heart wrenching conversations with your partner?).
“OK, so, let me see . . . “ I said. “You just brushed your teeth. Does that mean you never have to brush them again, because you already did it?”
Ah, touché. Of course he had no ready response.
What is it about people who withhold their expressions of love? I mean, let’s face it, life is but a modicum of time on a mote of a planet in a speck of universe. . . in other words, you’re not going to have the chance to tell them forever.
And there’s nothing worse than losing a loved one without them knowing how you felt.
Shower them with those epithets, I say! Is there really anything wrong with a morning wakeup punctuated by “I love you”? Or allowing yourselves to drift off to dreamland after a whispered, “I love you”? I like to serve scrambled eggs with a side of “I love you.” Or leave a scratched “I love you” in the frost on hubby’s windshield when it’s minus 25C (-13F) outside.
Still, no matter the scads of actual love that exists between two people, it seems as if there’s always one partner who’s more expressive than the other. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that, in my younger years, I tended toward reticence in that area.
It wasn’t because of discomfort expressing my feelings (at least, that’s what I would have told you); no, it was because I took longer to establish a certainty that I truly loved the person. So, for my first two or three relationships, the guy was the one who uttered, “I love you” first. And was met with a smile, a hug, tears–anything but “I love you” in return.
I like to think I’ve learned something from my dogs since then.
In general, dogs have no problem expressing how they feel–and that includes how much they love you (even if your response doesn’t match theirs–or is even nonexistent).
Of the three dogs we’ve lived with up until now, Zoey is by far the most expressive. And definitely the most vocally expressive. While Chaser (and to a lesser extent, Elsie) were content to show affection by snuggling up to us or simply lying by the side of the bed when we didn’t feel well, Zoey takes self-expression to a whole ‘nother level.
“I love you Mum! Okay, now take me for a walk.”
I mean, whose dog barks at you when you don’t get their breakfast ready fast enough? Or when you stand near the treat bag but don’t give them one right away? Or when you’re in the kitchen eating a few cashews but don’t immediately share? (I sense a recurring theme here).
There’s no doubt about how Zoey feels at any given moment. When she’s happy, her tail wags the dog. She howls, she barks, she yelps or whines when she attempts to encourage participation, seeks attention, is frustrated or unhappy. She also whines when she’s extremely happy (like her Mum, crying pretty much for any reason at all).
When you ask Zoey (repeatedly) to “get out of the kitchen” and she must finally comply or forfeit the treat, she backs up like a mack truck in the driveway, letting out a disgruntled huff as she lowers her bum to the floor as if to say “How dare you banish me when you’re standing there with an open jar of coconut oil! It’s COCONUT OIL!”
When you take Zoey to doggie daycare in the morning, the second you round the corner of the block before the building, she begins her chorus of yips, whimpers, wails and woofs, continues the chorus while you enter the driveway and park the car, sustained until the moment she’s taken inside to the play area.
And her love for you? She wastes no time letting that be plainly known, too.
In the mornings, Zoey is right there by your side, face level with your pillow, showering you with licky-kisses as she waits to be patted. When you step out of bed, she shifts sideways, then rolls on her back so you can rub her belly and tousle her ears a bit. When you’re working at your computer, she sneaks over and gently rests her head on your thigh so you can caress her silky forehead.
Hey, wait a second. . . now that I think of it, all of those moves result in ME displaying my affection for HER.
Verrrrry clever, Ms. Zoey! Well played.
Still, wouldn’t it be lovely if we could all be as direct as Zoey when it comes to expressing the love that we feel?
Sure, it’s easy to tell your spouse or partner that you love them (and if it’s not easy for you, that’s a good place to start). But how about letting your good friend know how you feel? Or your talented stylist? Or your sibling?
This week, let’s amp up our outward expressions of affection. If you can’t muster love, convey gratitude or appreciation. It might just make someone’s day–or week.
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Follow up to last week’s challenge: Exercise Daily.
Zoey’s favorite form of exercise: jumping on (and off) rocks. And the treat that follows.
How was your week? Did you engage in more exercise than usual?
I have to admit, I’ve been feeling pretty proud of myself over the past week or so. I’m amped up my daily step count, surpassing 10,000 on six of the seven days (thank you, Ms. Zoey).
I’ve also spent more time channeling my dad, engaging in lifting weights, stretching various colored resistance bands and even doing a select few pushups against door frames.
The greatest benefit of all this increased exercise? No, it wasn’t my suddenly-bulging biceps (though I wouldn’t scoff at those); nor was it my newfound ability to run a 4-minute mile (though walking one mile in around 15 minutes is just fine with me). No, the greatest benefit was how much more alert, grounded and focused I felt during the week. (Holy moly–it’s true! Exercise does improve pretty much everything else as well!).
Now if only I could get my hubby to exercise–maybe it would lead to saying “I love you” more often?
I’d love to hear from you–how did your week go? Did you exercise more, less or about the same? Did you notice any difference?